I recently told a client, “You are such a hustler” and they responded with, “It takes one to know one.”
Damn right, I am a hustler.
Over the course of our therapeutic relationship, I had disclosed the intensity of life preparing for this profession. Covering the implications of having multiple jobs, trying to manage relationships, flirting with the balance of healthy and unhealthy boundaries, and overall health. This client felt validated, seen and "normal" knowing that I have struggled in life. I found my way then and continue to PRACTICE this daily.
It is impressive how pain can trickle down generation to generation. You can feel the pain, but not know that there is another option. You can feel the pain and think that it is normal. You can feel the pain and compare it to someone else and minimize yours because it “just isn’t as bad as theirs.” You can feel the pain and not know how to stop it.
The pivotal point (hopefully) is when you can feel the pain and see how it is causing someone else pain. Or obstructing your ability to get your needs met. This is when you need to look inward and get CURIOUS, like obnoxiously curious. Ask yourself these questions
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How could it be done differently?
Where might the pattern be coming from?
What is the pain like for you?
How might your pain be trickling out on others?
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After you have gathered data and dug deep, it is time to do the more challenging work. It is time to be COMPASSIONATE with yourself and your pain.
How does the pain maybe makes sense?
How does your expression of pain maybe make sense?
How have family members or caregivers hurt or loss negatively impacted you?
How have social and cultural norms dictated how you can express your emotions?
What is scary about doing something different (knowing that being scared is totally normal)?
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I used this framework to eventually have a better relationship with my hurt and loss. Today I can recognize where it comes from, acknowledge that my emotions deserve to be expressed and my needs matter. By sharing some of my story I am able to connect with clients who are hurting, feeling helpless and beating themselves up. Especially because I have been EXACTLY there! I would be honored to wade through the crap that is holding you down. Ya know, the stuff that is getting in the way of you seeing that YOU matter so damn much.
If a part of you resonates with this story, then let's connect! I would be honored to support you as you learn to have a better relationship with past hurt, trauma or that jerk we call, "The Inner Critic." Let's explore your hustle and perhaps take some pride in it, shall we?